Why do I keep having this negative thought?

Everyone experiences negative thoughts sometimes, but there are some negative thoughts that are difficult to shake. For example, one person struggles with some version of, “I’m not good enough,” for years. Another person struggles with, “What if I hurt those I love?” over and over. 

These negative thoughts boomerang back every time you think you let them go. They often touch on the same topic. This isn’t your average negative thought. It’s more compelling, convincing… You can’t turn away from it. It seems like it’s on repeat. It might even be months or years of the same thought. And you’ve asked yourself, “Why do I keep having this negative thought?”

The answer to that question depends on who you ask. Different treatment approaches offer different theories about why some negative thoughts stand out and are harder to shake than others. Below, I review a few theories on ‘why these negative thoughts’:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

If you ask CBT, “Why this thought?” it will likely tell you, “Because it hits close to your core belief.” 

Allow me to explain: Imagine a spider web where the edge that touches the walls or tree branches represent your surface level thoughts. The ones at the front of your conscious mind and include your automatic negative thoughts. 

Now go one rung down. These are your schemas – rules you have about how to conduct yourself and interpret things. For example, if I told you a hilarious, but raunchy joke and then suggested you tell your boss this joke, you’d probably stop me right there and remind me that that’s not how you talk to your boss. There are rules about these things and, if prompted, you can describe them. However, they’re a bit further removed from the front of your mind. You don’t walk into work and say, “Hi, boss! I’m going to refrain from sharing a funny, but inappropriate joke because that is not part of my schema for how I conduct myself in the workplace. Anyway, see you later!” part because that would be weird and part because your schemas aren’t quite as surface level as automatic thoughts. 

Now go one more rung down to the center of the spider web where the spider usually hangs out. This is where your core belief lives. Your core belief is a base-level, generally simple belief you have about yourself or the world. For example, “I am unlovable,” or, “People are essentially bad.” Schemas and surface-level thoughts emanate from the core belief. They are informed and guided by the core belief.  Here is an example of how the core belief threads its way through the schemas and surface-level thoughts:

Core belief: I am worthless.

Schema: If I did it, it must not be as good as if someone else did it. My work is worth less than others’ work, so I tend to downplay my work output to others.

Surface level thoughts: I gave it a shot, but I’m sure it could be better. Say some self-deprecating remarks about the presentation so you don’t come off like you think you’re better than you are. Why do I keep downplaying my work? Because I think I am worthless, I think my work is worth less than others’.

While the core belief is there the whole time, it isn’t always explicitly present in the schema or surface-level thoughts, but you can see they all fall along this theme of the “I am worthless” core belief.

In CBT, if you notice a recurring theme in your negative thoughts, it might be related to your core belief.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

If you ask ACT, “Why this thought?” it will likely tell you, “Because it hits close to your values.”

ACT uses one’s most important personal values as a guide for decision-making and action. While it often encourages practitioners to not engage with every negative thought your brain spews out, it acknowledges that some thoughts can be particularly sticky and unwilling to be put on a leaf and sent downstream. This may be the case because the thought you’re having relates closely to your most deeply held values. The most important things to you may be at stake in this sticky thought – of course it would be tough to simply let it go! You may have found yourself at a choice point and in need of committed action in the face of fear.

Here's an example:

My doctor’s medical practice is closing and, even though I know how to find a new doctor, I find myself unexpectedly rattled by this. Intellectually, I know the steps to take to get set up with a new provider. Problem solved, right? So why can’t I stop thinking about it? Oh, wait! If I check back on my values, I see Health is a top value of mine. Of course disrupting my committed actions to stay healthy are going to impact me more than a garden variety administrative dilemma!

In ACT, if you notice a recurring theme in your negative thoughts, it might be related to your ability to live your most deeply held values.

Inference-based Cognitive-behavioral Therapy

If you ask I-CBT, “Why this thought?” it will likely tell you, “Because it hits close to your feared self.”

I-CBT is a non-exposure-based treatment for obsessive-compulsive disorder that targets the obsession. Specifically, it targets the reasoning that makes the obsession so compelling. According to I-CBT, a person with OCD is able to use sound judgment and reasoning in most domains but in OCD, the one(s) that become obsessive are those that invoke the feared self.

The feared self is the person you most fear becoming and that you work the hardest to avoid becoming. That hard work people with OCD do to avoid becoming their feared self? That’s the obsession and compulsion.

Here’s an example: My greatest fear is to become someone who could hurt their loved ones, therefore I need to obsessively review my every social interaction to catch anything that may have hurt them that I may not have been aware of in the moment. Then, based on my review, I will compulsively seek reassurance that I did not unintentionally hurt them. While there is plenty out there to worry about, I worry about this the most because I fear becoming a hurtful person.

In I-CBT, if you notice a recurring theme in your negative thoughts, it might be related to your fear of becoming your feared self.

While this list is not exhaustive, these are a few theories on why this thought, but not some other one, is especially bothersome. Different therapy approaches tackle this issue in somewhat different ways. It may be that the one that best captures your sticky thought is the best fit for addressing it.